So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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