I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize