Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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