whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
