Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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