I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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