I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
