I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Randomize
