I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
