we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
