all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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