So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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