if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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