Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
