i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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