legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want a musical about memes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
