Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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