my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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