I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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