Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
