There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
