i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
