I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize