You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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