You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize