So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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