If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
