Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
