dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
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