Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
