Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize