I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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