I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
