so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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