she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
