Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
do herpes really smell.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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