I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize