I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
