This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Randomize
