Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
