I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
