The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
