i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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