just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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