if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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