First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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