Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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