So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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