they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
