This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
