Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
