i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
