sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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