no, he came in my armpit
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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