Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
