I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
