return my video game
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
