you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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