i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
