you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
two words: eviction party
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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