rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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