I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
