I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
