Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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