we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
