everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
