I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
