after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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