when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
