i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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