What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
