Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Text me some of your sweat
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
