I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
