Yo dont text me then not text me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
