I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
please don't ironically join a cult
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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