just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I didn't shave. On purpose
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
