i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
