I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
