glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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