the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
