The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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