hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
