do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
