i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
